Why I’m Still Writing When I Don’t Feel Like It

It is no secret that I have been struggling with writing lately. It takes me a lot longer to come up with what to write about. Previously, I could draft a full body of work in less than 10 minutes but lately it has been taking me days, weeks and even months to come up with something new. This is not because I have run out of things to say or things to write about. I still do have things to write about. A lot actually. The difference between now and then is more to do with how I feel than not having what to write.

What do I mean? I once wrote an essay on the relationship between sadness and creativity. The relationship between the two, I concluded, was that it is easier for me to write when I’m sad compared to when I’m happy. It’s easier to give negative feelings or emotions names. It’s easier to describe them. My vocabulary is quite limited when I have to describe happiness but very wide when I have to describe sadness.

This is not because I have experienced more sadness than joy but maybe because when I feel negative emotions, they overwhelm me and I desperately need an outlet so I’m quick to grab my journal. There are many happy moments I haven’t journaled about simply because writing about them wasn’t coming naturally. Did you know that some of the best or widely recognized creatives did their best work in moments of sadness or depression? Sylvia Plath. Van Gogh. Virginia Wolf. That sucks.

So, because I haven’t been sad for a while and I’m definitely not depressed, I am learning to write from a place of Joy. As I was looking at the themes for the Afrobloggers Winter ABC 2023, I looked at this week in particular and it was about “a spark that makes you, you.” After much thought and debating on whether I will take part in the challenge this year after I failed miserably last year, I decided I would try.

I’m writing today because my spark isn’t sadness or depression. I’m writing because the very first time I wrote, I was happy. That’s the spark I’m choosing to light. The one that believes that even happiness can be written in the most beautiful, artistic and creative way. The spark that believes that my best work won’t come from sadness and the one that believes that we all deserve to be happy. We deserve to be happy and creative.

With that said, I’ll be taking part in the Afrobloggers Winter African Blogging Challenge 2023 (Winter ABC) this year. The idea is to write a post every weekday for the month of June. I’m not 100% sure I will make it through all those days but I will do my best. I’m doing this because one of the times I felt amazing about blogging was the last time I seriously took part in the Winter ABC. There was joy then and there will be joy now.

I will put all posts in this challenge in one place so you can find them whenever you need to. I’m also very excited to read from bloggers old and new. It’s aways fun to see the many different ways one theme can be interpreted.

I will be back tomorrow!

Thanks for reading!
Love,
Wonani Xx

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Looking For God, Finding Community (Why You Need Community)

One significant shift in my mindset last year was the value of community. I undervalued the role that being part of a positive community played in one’s growth as a person.

As someone who spent a lot of her life doing things alone, not asking for help, sorting everything else herself and even calming herself down in the middle of a panic attack, community was the last thing on my mind. I never even really thought about it, apart from the blogging community I was a part of. I took so much pride in doing things alone until one day it hit me. If truly I was meant to do things alone, I would have been the only human being in existence on earth. Thankfully that’s not the case because what would I do alone? I can’t even hold a live chicken!

Looking For God, Finding Self

I decided to go on a journey of re-discovery in the middle of last year. At the time, it was more of re-discovering God and less of rediscovering me. During the process of re-discovering God, I found myself disengaging from things I believed were true about myself, My likes, my dislikes, and overall who I was as a person, My personality began to feel a little strange. I didn’t know if certain things were true anymore. I didn’t pay any mind to that initially because my focus was re-discovering God. The lack of clarity surrounding who I was, at the time, seemed to be a distraction.

Meet The Blogger: Question and Answer

Hello everyone. I have made the great (depending on how you look at it) return to my writing corner on the internet. I promise I’m trying to not make this a habit. If you follow my Instagram and listen to my podcast, you’ll discover I haven’t been as MIA as it seems I have been here.

For some very strange reason, people have continued to interact with my posts and even follow my blog while I have been away. I do appreciate those as well as the people who have stuck around during my absence. I genuinely can’t believe I still have readers.

Due to the fact that I am constantly reinventing myself, I thought it would be a good idea to write a long overdue “Meet the Blogger” post. That’s what we are doing today. This post does feel very self-centered but it has to be done.

What is your name?

My name is Wonani Mwanza.

Yes. That’s me.

Where are you from?

I am from a beautiful country called Zambia. Specifically from Lusaka.

Also Read: Interesting Facts You Should Know About Zambia

What do you do?

I am a civil engineer, blogger and podcaster. I somehow do all three but one tends to suffer when things get really busy in certain areas. Also, constantly thinking about numbers sometimes takes me away from being creative here. I’m actively working towards changing that. I’m no longer looking for balance. Just trying to find a system that can make all these work. Hopefully, as soon as that system is working, nothing comes up to cause havoc. Unless, of course, it is a good thing.

What are your favourite qualities about yourself?

I always try to run away from such questions because I don’t like to think too much. Also, sometimes I feel I don’t know enough about myself. Anyway, let’s not be unnecessarily deep. I think I’m an honest person, I’m a great listener and it really takes a lot for me to give up. I really try.

What’s your favourite book?

My favourite book currently is All The Bright Places. I read it a couple of years ago and haven’t read anything since that pleased me as much as that one did. What a beautiful piece of writing and story-telling. Here’s a little secret. I once had a book blog and the only review I posted there was for All The Bright Places. Now I only do book reviews on my Instagram Stories.

What’s your favourite place you’ve been?

Langkawi, Malaysia! Langkawi was so beautiful. Great food, great activities, amazing people, etc. I had such an amazing stress free time. Zero worries at all. I would love to go back there soon and do everything I didn’t get a chance to do.

Also Read: I Took A Four Day Trip To Langkawi

What is your biggest dream?

Well, I have many big dreams but I believe I have a lot to share with the world. So much to do. Give me platforms. I also want to travel whenever I can.

I’m actually living one of my dreams which is to work with young people and just help them navigate life. I know that’s a very broad statement because what do I mean navigate life? That was a dream and I’m living it now.

What is the most interesting and different thing you’ve done this year?

Believe it or not, a photoshoot. I do not enjoy having my picture taken because of a number of reasons so to step out and decide to be part of a photoshoot for Bloomers was something even my mind wasn’t really understanding. I had the loveliest time with them and everyone was kind and patient. Did I have a wardrobe malfunction? Of course I did. Would it really be my first photoshoot without something going wrong?

What is your current favourite song?

I’ve been listening to One Name by Naomi Raine a lot recently. It is a good song. I will consider creating playlists and sharing them here every so often.

What is your worst habit?

I have no better way to say it but picking my skin off my fingers. There’s no better way to say it, I’m afraid. I know, I’m not proud of it.

What’s the biggest project on your to-do list right now?

Personal project: I need to do better at my time management. I hope that counts.

Business project: I just need to make more money. I need a million-dollar business idea.

What’s your favourite scripture?

I don’t have favourites but here are four I’ve been loving over the last few months:

1. Jeremiah 29:12- “Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.”
2. Jeremiah 31:25- “I’ll restore tired bodies; I’ll restore tired souls.”
3. Psalm 116:7- “Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.”

What’s your favourite thing about life right now?

Here are a few things I’m enjoying:

1. Loving Jesus
2. Working with teenagers. I didn’t think I’d find so much fulfilment and learn so much about myself through this.
3. Being loved!

These are all the questions for now. If there is anything else you’d like to know about me, leave a comment below and I’ll be sure to let you know. Also, leave a comment telling me one interesting fact about yourself. I would love to know what my readers are like.

If you haven’t been listening to my podcast, you’re missing out! Catch up now and don’t be left behind.

Thank you so much for reading!

Love,
Wonani Xx

What I’m Looking Forward To At 24

I never get excited for my birthday. I’m very well accustomed to birthday blues and sadness. I’m no stranger to not wanting to do anything for my birthday and to feeling like, “Eh. It’s just another year.” This year was extremely different. I was very excited about turning 24.

I turned 24 on the 4th of February. Three days before my birthday, someone asked me how old I was and I very quickly said 24. Our conversation went on and I realised I wasn’t 24. “Wait! I lied! I’m not 24.” The person I was talking to gave me a puzzled look and I went on to explain that I actually turn 24 in about three days and we both just laughed about it.

You Can Also Read: Dear 30 Year Old Me

In the past, I never rushed to say my age because I felt I was too young. I suppose this was true because for a long time, I was always the youngest in my friend groups. I’m not excited to say my age because I don’t feel young anymore. I’m excited because I’m really looking forward to 24. I’m just very optimistic of all that is to come.

On my birthday eve, I was telling a couple of friends that I felt like I was entering a new phase of life where things probably won’t be easy but there will be a lot of growing and a lot of peace. I know I’m gonna be stretched this year and you know what? I’m here for it.

You Can Also Read: I Turned 22

At 24, I am giving up on trying to attain balance. I am almost convinced it is not possible. Instead, I will seriously be working on my time management. I am currently working on a number of things and I’m bound to add more to my plate by the time the year is done. I have concluded that time management is the way forward because so far, balance has failed me. I also recently heard that balance equals stagnation. That’s a theory I’d have to explain but it’s what I’m going with.

At 24, I would also like to serve my family more. I have been spending so much time serving other areas of my life and not doing the best job at serving my family. I want to be more present and really have good personal relationships with everyone. I wouldn’t want to serve my church or my job and not serve my family at all. Family is my first ministry! I will have to make adjustments to my day to day plans and make room for my family. I also feel the need to really work on this now because if I move out without having properly done this, that will be the end for me. Lol.

At 24, I need to make money. Multiple streams of income. I’m looking for ways to make money outside my 9 to 5. Sometimes, I wake up thinking, “How can I make money today?” I need to be earning. So many things need money so I’m gonna have to make money.

At 24, I will be falling more and more in love with Jesus. It has been such a beautiful and fulfilling journey so far. I believe there is so much more for me to learn and discover and I’m looking forward to doing this even more. I believe I’m a much better person because of my decision to consciously follow Jesus.

At 24, I’m looking forward to seeing myself bloom. I feel like I’ve been like a flower waiting to bloom and I am finally in the process of blooming. It’s quite difficult to explain this to people who haven’t witnessed the process. I am finally learning about myself and being confident with that knowledge. Thinking about the person I am becoming and the things I will be doing just gives me goosebumps!

Finally, at 24, I’m looking forward to maintaining healthy relationships. I am looking forward to love and everything it will bring me. It will definitely be a fascinating year for sure.

You Can Also Read: 21 Things I’ve Learnt In 21 Years

24 will not be the smoothest of years. What I do know for sure is there will be redefining, stretching, blooming and growth. I’m looking forward to all that this year has to bring. I am so excited and so expectant. I am so ready for 24!

I will have a podcast episode out tomorrow where I share 24 lessons I’ve learnt at 24. Be on the lookout for it! It is highly informative and fun. I know you’ll love it.

One More Thing…

For this year’s valentine’s post, I decided to do a Q+A with a twist. Let me explain. I need you to send me whatever questions you have regarding relationships, love, breakups or anything to do with the two. When you send me a question, I will send you a list of other questions I have received and you get to pick one, give me an answer and I will share it on the blog for everyone to see. You get it? Yes? Yes! So please send me your questions via email @doseofwonani@gmail.com or via Instagram @doseofwonani. Alternatively, you can leave your questions in the comments below! I am Looking forward to hearing from you.

Do you get excited for your birthday? Yes or No? Leave a comment and let me know. Don’t forget to listen to the podcast too!

Thanks for reading,

Love,
Wonani Xx